What are we so afraid of?
As I get older, and the sense of my own mortality becomes clearer and louder, this question lurks in the back of my mind all the time.
Our lives are gone in a blink. A breathe. That’s it. And then it’s over.
Filled with moments that capture us, cause us to stand still and be present, mixed with the rushing current of the rest of our lives that blow by us at highway speeds.
It often feels like that carnival ride the Tilt-a-Whirl, where everything is moving so fast, spinning, and then for that one brief moment it throws you out to the side where life slows down, just for half a second I’m sure, but it feels like an eternity, before it whips you back into the chaos and the swirl again.
Life. Time. Moments that catch our breathe.
What’s it all for anyway?
Every day I see the presence of time on my face, the heartbreaks in the shallows of my eyes, the struggle in my furrowed brow, the fear in the way my shoulders fall forward. In a gesture to protect my all too beaten up and battered heart.
Time will do that to you.
Time is a torrent we cannot outrun, cannot hide from and cannot smart our way out of.
We’re born, we breathe, we live and then we die. Only to start again.
These moments are so precious. Each moment is a gift. Each breathe an eternity. If we are present enough to see it.
One of the unexpected side effects of leading a purpose driven life and company, of working with nature and the land and organic food the way we do, is the deep reverence, knowing and connection that happens with the core of Life itself. It is impossible to fight it, it rips you into openness whether prepared or not.
At our farm, I can feel the heartbeat of Life itself, breathing with the wind into our fields. The foundation of family and love seeping from the sweat of our workers into the soil, long days of repetitive work in those fields, from their hearts, for their families. I can hear the birds singing songs that dance the land to life. See the butterflies leaving tiny imprints of magic on the plants as they grow. Watch the bees carefully select which flower to suck from with precision and love. And feel the deep sense of reverence and surrender from the enormity of what we cannot control, how insignificant we are in the greater workings of this perfect rhythm. It is all working together in the unseen, each butterfly wing to human heartbeat connected in the giant matrix of Life breathing into Death breathing into Life, in harmony.
If we understood even a fraction of the magic that exists in this perfect union of animal, vegetable, mineral and human, we would fall to our knees in gratitude and reverence for every breathe we have the privilege to breathe.
Could you imagine living a life so connected?
Just the whips in the turns, as the Whirl keeps whirling. Tossing us to and fro. Giving us this illusion that we’re busy, that we’re important, that we matter, that we have some sort of control. And then it’s gone. In a blink.
It is hard to be so connected. It is hard to live a life so deep and reverent. What are we afraid of? We are afraid of our depth, afraid of our vulnerability, afraid of our power, afraid to know who we really are. To expose ourselves, to be seen, to be truly known. It is easier to stay in the torrent. To keep our eyes winced tight and our stomachs iron-knotted as Life passes us by from one frantic turn to another.
Not this girl. Not this life.
I breathe into the fear, past the fear, past the shadows and the bumps in the night. Past the doubts and doubters. Passed the haters and the peanut gallery.
To the depth of Life itself. To reverence. To gratitude. To making the impossible possible. To defying odds, busting norms and rectifying injustice.
Breathing in. Breathing out. Paying attention to all the moments in the whips of the Whirl and not letting the torrent become a distraction from the purpose. Why are we really here? I know the answer for me, and I hold onto it tightly, so it doesn’t get ripped from my fragile grip in the toss of the to and fro.
And onwards we go….
Krystine McInnes is CEO and Project Director of Athena Farms and Grown Here Farms. Stewarding purpose-driven, change-making projects with a focus on Planet, People, Profit and a commitment to Sustainable Business models.
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